What Next?

When the Israelites got to the Red Sea did they give up and think is was the end of the road? Yes. Have I come to the end of myself and this heartache called "adoption" Yes! Can God still part seas and move mountains? YES! So what am I worried about?
I have emotions. I believe God gave them to me to use appropriately. I am sad-angry-disappointed-in disbelief and a little shocked. I can imagine Joseph sitting in a jail cell in Egypt having the same feelings.
I think I'll take my little sister's advice and get my act together. I am digging my heels in once again. My God is strong. He can work miracles. I will not grow weary in doing good! I WON'T!
I'll be doing a lot of soul searching today and in the coming weeks. I will also be looking upward and outward to how I can keep serving God's people. When you pour out Gods love it comes back.
Like my daughter said to me "Mom, you have to do this. If not you then who?"
Or like my son said to me a few months ago when we were talking about doing foster care he said "Why shouldn't we do it" this was in response to our question to him about how he felt about it.
Steven Curtis Chapman got it right when he sang the song with the words "This is a Great Adventure!"
Boy is it ever!
Please pray for our upcoming trip. Honestly, I dread it now. I get see, hold, and be with my children. The children that Liberia are holding captive. If adoptions are not allowed to go through we do not know what will happen to them. Is it back to the orphanage with lots of other children? Can they stay in foster care and in the school they are in? Will they be street children?
I don't know. I just don't know!
The last letter I got from Leo said "Mom and Dad, I just can't live without you, when will you come to take me home?" How do I explain to him that that may never happen? How do I explain to my little Lydia? I can't see the keyboard---tears are in abundance now. That is not because I am not trusting my God it is because I am sad and that is ok.