But God

Dear God,
Please don't make me walk this path. I don't want to face my children only for 8 days then say good-bye, for only you know how long. I can do this, I just don't want too!
Please pray for me. My heart is not in this anymore. I am heartbroken and crushed!
Ami

A Precious Letter

I wanted to post this letter from a dear friend, a dear friend whom I have prayed for and cried with. We have never physically met. I first heard of her back in October when my husband and I went to "Together for Adoption" in Nashville. At a restaurant after the last session we met up with some friends to eat. I sat next to my friend Leslie's friend Joy. I told Joy we were adopting from Liberia--two children. That quickly turned into a conversation about her friend Anouk. I started praying for her and her husband that day. Her story is heartbreaking and yet redeeming.
Without further adieu, here is the most precious letter and advice I have ever gotten. I have been loved by God through someone I don't even know.
Thank you!
To read more about Anouk's story click here:
http://www.youbelong.net/pages/htmlos/99185.1.878622778210412081/thescotts


Ami,
I'm sorry I haven't written earlier than now. My dear friend that I've never met, I wish I could give you a big hug and cry with you. I've been thinking about you and other "Liberian adopting" parents a lot lately. Reading the blogs has broken my heart. I don't even know what to say except to say what you already know: God is in control, even of the Liberian government.

The hard thing is that we both know that God is in control . . . that's not the issue. We also know that God can work miracles beyond what we can imagine . . . that's also not the issue. The issue is that we don't know if He will choose to do miracles in these adoptions . . . or just in our hearts. I'm praying for you. Praying that God would give comfort. Praying that He will guide and uphold you in this "I don't know" time. I can share what He gave me as I struggled with the loss of the boys.

But God, I love them!
"Child, I love them even more. I am a Father to the fatherless."

I had plans for them God!
"I know the plans I have for you/them. Plans for good and not for evil."

But God, now they won't get to hear about you.
"How do you know that? Am I limited to you to have them learn about me? You believe that I can work miracles in the heart of the leaders of the government of Liberia without your help, but not in the heart of these children?"

God, I don't understand, but I KNOW! (that was my mantra . . . I would say that over and over, then would quote scripture of what I did know. i.e. - I don't understand, but I know that You are good, etc)

Dear Ami, I'm sorry for the prolonged struggle you're going through. Reading the multiple blogs has made me thankful for our "early loss," but has made my heart break for all the emotions you all must be going through. Thank you Ami for loving others through this struggle, for your example of love as you foster care. You are a much stronger woman to be going to Liberia to see Leo and Lydia. Knowing the possibility of it not working out would keep me away for everyone's sake.

Ami, I'm hesitant to share this with you because I don't want to seem cold or uncaring. But it is something our pastor shared with us back in the fall which really helped us a lot (even before we officially "lost" them). He reminded us that children are resilient, that God has created them that way. He told us that if he and his wife were to die tomorrow, his 9 year old daughter and 3 year old son would go live with relatives. They would miss their parents a lot, especially at first, but the Lord would given them resilience to adapt to their new situation. He said that the 3 year old would recover more quickly because he had less memories with his parents. He said the 9 year old would have a harder time, but that she also would be OK after time. Then he reminded us that this was the situation with his 2 children (both adopted from birth, by the way) who have been in the home and "attached" to them all these years. He kindly reminded us that the boys in Liberia only had an "idea" of us as their family, that we were much more attached to them than they were to us. God would help them. This was a comfort to me as I had visions of these poor boys being "abandoned" twice and growing bitter . . . I'd forgotten Who was truly in control and Who loved them more than I did.

I know our situation is different than yours. I know that Leo is older and is writing you asking when you're coming. But I also know that should the time come that this comes to an end and you do not get to bring them home, God is still a God of miracles, and the miracle can be in Leo and Lydia's heart as well as in yours. He is in control of the Liberian government and He can take this situation and make it beautiful, even if we don't see it. Leo and Lydia will always know you loved them but that God chose to have the government do what they did.

Ami, as I type this, it all seems so clichéd, but please know that it is out of a heart of love and care. I just wanted to share what God used in our lives to help us. I pray that God would make all things clear to you very soon, or that He gives you and your family an extra, extra measure of grace. And that He works His wonders in the lives of Leo and Lydia.

I love you, my sister. I hope one day we can meet on this earth - but if not, then we will meet in heaven. I am praying for you.

Love,
Anouk

What Next?

When the Israelites got to the Red Sea did they give up and think is was the end of the road? Yes. Have I come to the end of myself and this heartache called "adoption" Yes! Can God still part seas and move mountains? YES! So what am I worried about?
I have emotions. I believe God gave them to me to use appropriately. I am sad-angry-disappointed-in disbelief and a little shocked. I can imagine Joseph sitting in a jail cell in Egypt having the same feelings.
I think I'll take my little sister's advice and get my act together. I am digging my heels in once again. My God is strong. He can work miracles. I will not grow weary in doing good! I WON'T!
I'll be doing a lot of soul searching today and in the coming weeks. I will also be looking upward and outward to how I can keep serving God's people. When you pour out Gods love it comes back.
Like my daughter said to me "Mom, you have to do this. If not you then who?"
Or like my son said to me a few months ago when we were talking about doing foster care he said "Why shouldn't we do it" this was in response to our question to him about how he felt about it.
Steven Curtis Chapman got it right when he sang the song with the words "This is a Great Adventure!"
Boy is it ever!
Please pray for our upcoming trip. Honestly, I dread it now. I get see, hold, and be with my children. The children that Liberia are holding captive. If adoptions are not allowed to go through we do not know what will happen to them. Is it back to the orphanage with lots of other children? Can they stay in foster care and in the school they are in? Will they be street children?
I don't know. I just don't know!
The last letter I got from Leo said "Mom and Dad, I just can't live without you, when will you come to take me home?" How do I explain to him that that may never happen? How do I explain to my little Lydia? I can't see the keyboard---tears are in abundance now. That is not because I am not trusting my God it is because I am sad and that is ok.

Two Years Later-Idol Gives Back

I used to be a big "Idol" fan, as recently as a year ago. I haven't had single moment to watch it this year nor do I know who the contestants are. I did however: turn it on tonight just in time to hear Carrie Underwood say she is donating to an organization that is not on my list of respected ones.
You can read about it here:http://www.law.harvard.edu/faculty/bartholet/Save_the_Children2.pdf
Odd, two years ago my husband was dead set against adoption. We had gone the gamut of fertility treatments, paid our dues in that respect. I had worked to earn money to pay for the procedures etc. The whole time I was going through this I had no desire to be pregnant again only to have another child if that makes sense. I wanted to care for the children the church had forgotten---the world had forgotten, my husband, while I wouldn't say he did not want to care was more cautious. I throw caution to the wind when it comes to serving children or adults in need. I have been burned enough to know when to say when and when true help is needed.
Two years ago during "Idol Gives Back" I stormed off to bed saying something like "See. we have room, love, time, etc. We could take in children/people in need. Why can't we adopt?" I was angry! Tonight I am angry all over again.
Two years ago instead of agreeing to adopt my husband and two biological children stayed up and chose to sponsor a little girl from Compassion International. Her name is Westerlineda. We still do not know if she survived the earthquake. We have letters and pictures from her before the quake hit.
As you all know from reading previous posts God did change my husband's heart. We applied to adopt Lydia and Leo from Liberia, West Africa. Here is where it gets TOUGH! I was fine yesterday. Really. Tonight, not so much. you see last night we got the news that adoptions will probably shut down for good. My desire to parent my children will probably never happen. We have poured our hearts into this not to mention thousands of dollars---not just our money but others as well. We are going to Liberia in June. What do I say or not say to my precious children? What can I say? I could say your government says they desire to help you find a permanent home but in reality would rather send you back to an institution! The government of Liberia is not doing a thing to help these children. I am ANGRY. I have hit the roof angry! I will keep praying. I will keep believing. I will keep telling people about Unicef and Save the Children.
In the meantime, I am doing something I said I would never do. I am caring for three foster children. My parents did it when I was younger and I loathed it because it took away from "my" time. Bottom line, I was selfish! So when you say no---God may say "YES" and when you say "yes" God may say "no"
Who knows where I will be in two years. Maybe I will be watching "Idol Gives Back" with 10 more children...In two years a lot can happen!
Ami

Casting Pearls Before Swine

Matthew 7:6 (esv)"Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs,lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you"
Adrian and I had a conversation this morning. We both feel like we have been casting pearls before swine. Giving our best and having it trampled on by the Liberian government because they would rather play politics than care for the children of their country. The Liberian government has done nothing to very little to help the most vulnerable of their country. We have been pouring in money, time, effort with little to no avail! I wouldn't say we are discouraged. I would say that if Lydia and Leo cannot come home then Adrian is done with adoption, at least for now. I know my husband and I know his heart. He needs time to process and heal. I can move on with things very quickly--We make a great team. He holds me back and I push him forward.
I wouldn't say I am an optimist or a pessimist, I am a realist. Right now given the current state of affairs adoptions will probably not be processed. I am not despairing. Is that what we as Christians call "The Peace that surpasses ALL understanding?" It must be!
Interestingly enough just past Matthew 7:6 it goes on to say, verse 7 through 11 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. for Everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Now, just so we are clear, I am not saying that just because we ask, seek, and knock our children will come home. What I am saying is this. I read my Bible. It is full of desperate situations and God using them to show His power! God may show his power by releasing the children, He may choose to leave them in country. They will make a HUGE impact for Christ wherever they are. Leo loves the Lord. His letters are full of praise for Him.
At any rate we will be visiting Lydia and Leo in June. The Bible commands us to visit orphans. You don't have to go to Africa to do that. We were however; lead by God to care for these two children whom we love very very much. As much as possible as depends on us we will continue to support them and care for them. The Lord, who is ALWAYS faithful has provided the money to care for them through us. What an amazing thing!
For now we will continue to pray for and work with the three "fatherless" children in our home. They are lovely children. There are too many of God's children within 5 miles of our comfortable homes that won't eat today, that won't get a bedtime story or even a bed. They don't know who Jesus is and their parents need our help!
Wake up Church! Now is the time! Are you going to be a goat or a sheep?
Please pray for us as we continue to get ready for our trip in June. It is definitely taking on a whole new meaning for us!
There is so much more I want to say but I am going to copy and paste part of our directors blog here so you will know more about what is going on:

My main concern at this point is to figure out what is the best possible outcome for adoptive families and their children. There comes a point when the adoption process has gone on so long that the opportunity for a child to transition successfully into the adoptive family is at stake. What I am looking at now are two issues:

1. What are the chances that in 1-2 years, these kids will be coming home?
2. What are the chances that if a child is 3-4 years older than when the adoption process started, the family and child will be properly prepared for all of the challenges post adoption?

Since I have dealt with many successful adoptions and unfortunately, interacted with many children or families who have been part of a disrupted adoption from Liberia, I am all too aware that my goal as an adoption coordinator cannot be merely to get a child home. My goal has to be that every family will have a successful adoption and every child will gain a permanent, loving family.

I have talked with all of our adoptive families as well as the leadership for CAS and ACFI. Our plan is to gather more info. on the June trip and make a decision about whether or not the adoption program should continue. Unless, I can return feeling that these children have a strong chance of coming home in the next year or so, we cannot in good conscience continue the program. If it does not continue, we will figure out the best plan for families continuing with long term foster care of their children in Liberia and continue in our efforts to care for orphaned and indigent children who will remain in Liberia.

There are so many emotions involved in what seems to be a straightforward post. If I made room for them here, there wouldn't be enough space to present the information that I know many people want. There will be another day for that...

Katie in Uganda

You have to read this:
Here is an excerpt from Katie's post:
People who know of our situation keep asking "how I'm doing." And here is the truth: each new person in a home throws off the routine all over again. It takes adjusting. When the new family member is a teenager, it often takes some arguing *ahem* discussion. It takes compromise and sacrifice from EVERY family member. But this is also the truth: I am blessed. We have room. Much more than it is challenging, it is fun. What a joy to provide someone in need of love with God's greatest gift. What a privilege to provide Hope with a family, to show her that she is not despisable, but loved unconditionally. Hope teaches me to laugh and to HOPE in the face of unimaginable heartache. Our whole family adores her.
Here is the rest of the post please read it and let it spur you on to ACTION in your own community. What will you do for Christ today?: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

Renewed Hope

I don't know who anonymously donated the ticket for my husband to join me tonight at "Hope in the Dark" but "I want you to know whoever you are that you have renewed our vision and passion for helping orphans in Africa and around the world. We had a wonderful time and have fresh faith to carry God's calling to the ends of the earth. I am now headed upstairs to check in on our three little blessings that joined us a few weeks ago.
Life is so rich and full when you are living for King Jesus and not for yourself.
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' " ----Matthew 25:45

It happens tomorrow folks. "Hope in the Dark" I simply cannot believe we are getting to go! God is so kind to provide us such a wonderful opportunity!
Here is more information:

Hope in the Dark

Thursday, Apr 15 7:00p

at Thompson Boling Arena, Knoxville, TN

Hope In The DARK
an event for orphans & africa
Please join Mike and Beth Hamilton
for an evening to see what God is doing in Africa
through two exciting ministries:
Blood:Water Mission and Show Hope.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
7pm - Thompson Boling Arena
Knoxville, TN
doors open at 6pm
musical performance by
STEVEN Curtis Chapman
Note: You will Not receive a paper ticket for this event. read more

Important meeting

There is an important meeting regarding our adoption (and many others) tomorrow. Please be in prayer over this. The children need God to intervene. He will. We continue to pray in faith God will bring our children home.
Ami

Our case worker

Why I really like my case worker and why I am so thankful for his example.
You know most of us as Americans have a million and one excuses as to why we simply cannot do what God calls us to do. I remember back when I was a kid feeling the call to missions and listening to people say "oh don't ever pray God will use you, He might send you to Africa" Really? Hmmmm, He might just send you to your neighbor or a neighborhood down the street that everyone has forgotten about or is too afraid to go to.
Let me tell you about my case worker. He is a wonderful guy that is dedicated to helping the children of Tennessee! He works and works. He knows his job will never be done until Jesus returns but that does not stop him. He carries FOUR cell phones at one time! He is always there to answer my hundreds of questions and is very patient with me. I had (have) a big learning curve. He loves the children he serves and he loves Jesus!
Here is one more thing that would probably surprise you about my case worker, he is a quadriplegic. Yup! That does not stop him from serving the Lord and the children. He requires a wheel-chair---and help with pretty much everything. But you know what? He's doing it! Wow! If that does not inspire you I don't know what will. So really, what is your excuse? Has God called you into the neighborhoods of your city that need Jesus. Has he called you to "know" your neighbor? Do you even know your neighbors name? There are a lot of scriptures about serving and loving your neighbor in the Bible. I'll let you take the time to look them up. It'll be fun! I promise. So GO! Introduce yourself to your neighbor. Take it a step further and bring them cookies, dinner, or even a bouquet of flowers from your yard. You will be blessed as you bless others.

Child Abuse prevention month

Here is a story that is very similar to every other story I hear. Please read it and pass it on. Then think and pray about ways you can help. Become a mentor to a child or adult who needs help. Be a foster parent. These children aren't a lost cause they are children. They aren't scary. They are "Children" They need you!
http://www.childhelp.org/stories/entry/lisa-b.-in-her-own-words/
You can contact Child Help for more information on how to get involved.

This month

April is "Child Abuse Prevention" month. You can help by becoming a foster parent or by getting involved in other ways.
http://www.childhelp.org

Lessons I have learned in only one short week

Lesson number one: It's okay to think that you are gonna fold that mountain of laundry on your bed by midnight.
Lesson number two: it's also okay to shove it all off onto the floor along with the piles of laundry from previous days you haven't gotten to yet...
#3 Sleep is way overrated!
#4 I have the BEST husband in the world!
#5 three and four year olds like hot sauce!
#6 That true friends are just that, true friends. The one that stops by because she can't get me on the phone or by email and sits on a dirty floor to play with my kids...And the one who has a house full (9) of her own that goes yard saling and craft shopping for me, the one that unexpectedly shows up to bring me dinner----A Real dinner, with real food!!!!!, and the one with a little one and two older ones that takes the time to tell me she's praying for me and means it! The neighbor that drops by to bring much needed supplies, the husband of a friend that comes by to help put together beds, the lady I have only ever met via email that came by to loan me a stroller and the list of true friends goes on!
#7 that there is no volume control on these wonderful children that God has placed in our home. It's LOUD or Louder!
#8----Sometimes you just can't finish a blog post....What's that I hear? I better RUN!