When I heard the words from my adoption directors mouth "The Liberian adoption program may have to close" I was okay. I really was, then it hit me---about 4 days later. I didn't know why at the time---I am not real smart sometimes about putting together why I am feeling the way I am with what's going on.
I was angry, frustrated, depressed and in anguish. I have cried every day for a week. I didn't go to church on Sunday or even leave my room. I cannot bear the thought of never being able to parent Lydia and Leo. So there you have it. I do believe that God can and WILL protect, nurture, and care for them whether they are here in our home or in Africa.
I am a logical person---my husband even thinks so for you skeptics out there. I just don't get WHY a government would bow down to organizations to get money and ignore the FACT that their most VALUABLE asset is being destroyed!
Which brings me to another thought, why do people give money to these organizations? You know each time you shop at "Babies R' Us" they donate a portion to "save the children" And what about Unicef? Come on!
My daughter and I were really into a soccer game last night on TV. It was great---UNTIL the goalie walks out with a shirt with the word "UNICEF" plastered all over it! That ruined it for me. It is my belief that no one should give any money to anyone without knowing where it is going. We are all held responsible for how we use God's resources. Yes, we are asking people to pray and to support us financially so that we can get to Liberia this summer to visit Lydia and Leo and to help work on some projects there. You can read more here:http://carrliberiatrip2010.blogspot.com/
This trip has taken on a whole new meaning for us. While I have longed to meet my children for the first time I never imagined what it would be like to go there knowing I would probably never be able to bring them home someday.
I have come so close to canceling my trip. I have sat down to type out a letter or pick up the phone yet I can't. I am being selfish. It's not about me. This is for them NOT ME! satan will NOT win this battle! Though my heart is no longer in it and I am deeply saddened God WILL restore my JOY. HE WILL!
Oh, and then there is Mother's Day! Oh, Do I stand when they say 2 children? What about 5? Or even 7? If I count my two bio children, three foster children, and Lydia and Leo that's 7. I think I just can't go to church again. Please pray for me!
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8 comments:
Oh Ami... I understand. We are gonna do this together, OK? We're gonna fight the good fight, even though it is beyond anguishing at times. We are gonna go and hold tight to our children and yes, we're gonna cry a lot too, I imagine... and they won't all be happy joyful tears. We are gonna CLING to Jesus, and he is going to give us peace that we can't even begin to understand. We're gonna trust that he is a miracle-kind-of-God... and that we are not to lose hope. We are gonna cry with one another after we tuck our kids in bed if we need to, because you are not alone. I'm walking right with you... and we can do this.
Can't wait to meet you,
Corrie
Corrie, I am crying as I read your words! I am so glad God put us on the same team. Although we have only met via phone and email I cling to our friendship as a gift from God! Thank you!
Ami
Ami..... Our Lord in Heaven,Jesus Christ,gives us shelter from the storms in our lives. This is just one storm of many that you are suffering through. Trust in him with all your heart. He still has a PERFECT plan for you. I love you and pray for you daily. Dad.
Ami,
I am with your Dad. I know this is hard, but keep going back to who God is. When we journey with God He knows where we are going, but we don't. He rarely takes us where we were expecting to go, but He is a good and faithful guide. It is as John Newton said, "Everything is needful that He sends; nothing can be needful that He withholds."
Trust Him when dark days assail thee,
Trust Him when your faith is small,
Trust Him when to only trust Him,
Is the hardest thing of all
Praying for you guys,
Dave
You are so RIGHT on Dave. You always ARE! Thank you so much! For everything! The prayers the encouragement EVERYTHING! Adrian and I are both so thankful for your wise counsel, friendship, and care over the years!
Ami
I would encourage you to go to church. It is never a good thing to allow our emotions to separate us from the fellowship of the church and the opportunity of worship and instruction. Praying the Lord gives grace to do hard things and blesses the effort to do them.
Ami, I fully believe that God makes families. Organizations don't. If Lydia and Leo are your family, you stand right up on Sunday and claim them. I don't know if you will ever be able to have them in your home. I hope and pray that you will. But if you don't, you will still love them as only a mother can. I am praying for you and your family--including Lydia and Leo.
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