We will ALL go together

These past few weeks have been heart wrenchingly difficult for me---for our whole family. We have all been really second guessing ourselves on whether or not I should go on the Liberia trip, really whether any of us should go. I am struggling with anger and do I dare say a root of bitterness? I have got to get that weed killer out on a daily basis!
This all started for me when we found out that our adoption probably isn't going to happen. It also complicated matters further when I realized that the three wonderful children we have in our care right now would have to go into another home for 12 days. One of these children does not do well with change. I have prayed, I have fasted, I have sought counsel. I have changed my mind a million times. It was settled a couple days ago (or so we thought)
I would stay behind to take care of the little ones and my husband and two bio. children would go to Liberia. Then it hit: relief, guilt, uncertainty--all of those pesky emotions I loathe so much! Truth be told, I would rather stay here in my "comfortable
abode and care for the children God has placed here temporarily than face what may be the MOST difficult situation of my life."
Unless you have been through it I don't really think you can understand. I love my Liberian children as much as my two biological children. Just because I have only been "paper pregnant" with them does not mean they were not placed in my heart and in my family. If you have ever adopted you know what I mean. My grief is very real and very raw. But, having said that, God providentially brought a "friend" across my path Tuesday night. She has adopted 20 plus children and was (is) in the process of adopting 5 more---all from Liberia. She is very involved with trying to help children there. I explained how I had just made the decision to back out of the trip etc and she took one look at me and said why? God has provided the tickets, you can't get a refund. Go with your family. Make a difference. Do what you know your supposed to do.
After we talked and talked it became clearer to me again. I am supposed to go.
So today I will dig my heels in and NOT let Satan win. He is trying to tear my marriage apart and my relationships with my children. He simply cannot have them. So I have ticked off the enemy, oh well! I know what Revelation says and I know who wins and I am on the WINNING side!
Angel warned us that all kinds of divisions would come between us as a team. I never imagined it would be in my own home. I know I know, I am slow sometimes. If satan can tear your foundation away from you he can take your faith. He isn't gettin mine today!
I had an instant peace and I saw the wash of relief come over my daughter's face when I told her I would go. My husband was relieved too. As one of the Case workers from Child Help said to me the other day: "the only constant in life is change" These foster children will be fine.
I am going to help a nation in need of help. We aren't going there because it's
"Africa" and oh how fun that will be! (sarcasm) We are going because our brothers and sisters are there and they need us. We are going to train them to help themselves NOT to enable a spirit of dependency. So Lord willing He will provide all of our needs according to His riches in Glory! After-all, Mother Theresa had nothing but herself to give and that, as meager an offering as it is is yours Lord, With ALL my heart it is yours!